Time to keep on trucking

Earlier this morning, I ended my 2 years and 4 months relationship. My ex and I have had an interesting time together from the day we met until now. He used to attend the college across from me but this year, he transferred to a university in another state due to the type of program he is in. Even before he transferred, I kept hearing from outside sources how hard long distance relationships are but hey, my ex was also my best friend, someone I saw myself marrying (which is weird enough for me because I have NEVER pictured myself marrying any of my exes) so I wanted nothing more than to make it work. My ex and I came up with a plan—we would see one another twice a month (I would go down and he would come up) and keep switching off like that. Something happened in October/November where I ended up making more trips to see him than he made up to see me but that’s fine because he was getting adjusted to school and trying to make new friends. Things weren’t easy for him during his first semester but that’s to be expected when you enter a COMPLETELY different environment from the one you spent 3 years at. He has a way of poorly communicating so when he was upset about something that dealt with school, he would just shut me out and just be cold. I talked to him about it and although he said he didn’t realize he acted that way, he didn’t mean to and he would work on it—ok, cool.

Second semester rolls around and he’s ready to give it his all. He loves his school now and has even found a group of friends that he consistently hangs out with. Problem is he’s focusing more time on school and going out with his friends until 3, 4 in the morning, and we’re communicating a little less and a lot more ineffectively. The conversations kind of changed, especially on my end and I just didn’t really have much to say. My routine consists of waking up, going to school, working at my two jobs, and coming home. If I have a meeting at school or if a friend wants to hang out, I do that as well but nothing major. Anytime we spoke he would just tell me about every single thing he did with his friends or at school and all and that’s fine because we used to have similar conversations when he went to school across from me. I just kind of got annoyed when he would tell me to wait up for him until 12 midnight or 12:30 midnight and would fight sleep as hard as I could and of course, he would never call or text or skype me at that time because he was too busy partying until 3, 4 am. I think that’s inconsiderate and he could have shot me a text or something letting me know that he was still out...

Things just kind of changed a little more and we fought a lot more and I felt as though I couldn’t share anything with him. For those who know me, I am not a very open person in any type of relationship and it takes me a while to let someone in and share my feelings. Recently, my ex tells me that when I share my feelings with him, I stress him out and that I also need to work on how I express my feelings to him. Ok, over 2 years and this is the FIRST time I’m hearing this. Today when we were arguing for the final time, he tells me that I bring stress into his life and that he keeps hearing things from other people about me and it’s pulling at his heart strings and all this stuff. Before we had even argued, I went on Facebook and saw that he untagged himself in all the pictures we had together or that I took of him and then he puts on Twitter that he’s “too good” for me. I think this breakup was long overdue but the only difference between the two of us is that I’ve always been willing to fight for this relationship. On the other hand, he’s not, always plays victim anytime we have an argument, tells me he “understands” where I’m coming from but then negates what I just said because “it’s not true,” tells me I need to “change the way I communicate” with him yet he had a problem when I didn’t communicate with him and he’s the worst communicator that I have ever met and finally, he’s a puppet for other people.

I have had a lot of outside influences telling me how I should run my relationship but I don’t let that influence me. Everything spiraled out of control because I expressed a certain something to him that he didn’t quite like. From his actions today and from the way he’s been acting up until this point, I’m glad it’s over and that I finally decided to pay attention to his true colors. I’m not going to lie—I deleted all pictures, cut up any I had in my apartment, threw the promise ring he gave me somewhere, almost thought about ripping the painting he made of us but I think I’m just going to throw it out and I cried for 2, 3 hours. Now, it just dawned on me that it’s really not the end of the world! I’m young, I’m intelligent, I’m beautiful and I love myself too much to let some guy ruin the rest of my senior year! I thought he was going to be part of my future but everything happens for a reason so good riddance. It’s time to pick up the pieces and keep on trucking.

Final word! For those who are contemplating a long distance relationship remember that without trust, open and complete communication and dedication, things can take a turn for the worst. If you’ve managed to be in a long distance relationship in your early 20’s, kudos to you but if not, there’s always someone else out there.